Celebrate Home School In Jakarta Indonesia

Many parents who home school their children have been questioned concerning socialization. A lack of socialization can be viewed as a deterrent to proper education. In most cases, we think of “socialization” as children being with other children so they can learn how to get along with others in society and be able to relate and cope with the “real world”. Is this what most socialization brings?

Socialization can be good or bad...

In order to be successful and get along with others in society, we must first respect authority and our fellow man. Placing children in an environment with others who are not taught this respect, brings “peer pressure” on the child, often causing the child to act like others in their group and acquire their value system, this can bring about negative socialization. The child can develop attitudes and values like the group, where “everybody else is doing it”. People have asked, “but what about socialization?” but I ask, “what about education?”

Our society has become more concerned about socialization than education.

What we should desire from an education for our children is an individual who can think for himself, making decisions from values which are based on respect for authority and his or her fellow man. An educated person should have convictions for life based on character, right conduct, proper communication in his speech, and whose appearance is a blessing instead of an obstacle to overcome.

Socialization is second to Social Skills

Socialization must take a “back seat” to learning basic academic skills and social skills which reflect respectful manners and appearance with a good positive attitude. Home schooling is strong in promoting these basics and provides the child with a true understanding of proper socialization.

Education vs. Socialization

Education should be the main focus of educating the child. Instead of asking a parent if their children will miss out on socialization when home schooling, the person should focus on whether the child is receiving a proper education, producing character and academic mastery.

Home schooling parents are frequently asked, "What about Socialization?" Some well meaning people think that you can not teach children to socialize with others without a traditional school environment. I just look at my children with gratitude.  My wife and I have six daughters.  What a pleasure it is to see them develop healthy relationships with people of all age groups, and treat others with respect.  Home schooled children naturally associate with people of all ages, including adults.

As children attend public school they are segregated into groups by age. Children become part of these groups for years. Their class mates are basically the same, with little change for all of the elementary school years, and sometimes much longer. These friends become all important,  hence the source of negative social pressure. Home schooled children run with a different gang, their families.  The social pressure exerted, by those who truly love and care about them, is very different from that experienced in the public schools.  The wise parent will be involved with in a church, where values are taught.  Once again, a positive influence is present.

Many home schooling families go on frequent field trips.  They experience the theatre, museums, and many cultural activities.  These experiences, along with attending church, and normal interaction with families and friends give these children a wide variety of experiences, in various settings, that many children attending public school never will receive.  Add to this the experiences that they do not receive, because they are not in public school.

There are many experiences that I received because I attended public school, that I never would have experienced in any other way. Most of us would never meet the following kinds of people if it were not for the public school system.

The Bully: I will never forget my friends who told the class bully that I had said something bad about him. Because I had been taught not to fight, I just sat there as he hit me in the mouth seven consecutive times. 

Have you ever heard of a co-worker bulling someone on the job? Yes, but it is both rare and illegal. No employer, in today's litigious society would tolerate such behavior.

The Thief: Who could forget the fellow who was always hungry. So hungry in fact that we felt obligated to buy him lunch every day. He was always bigger than the others, and so was hungrier. I remember meeting this fellow in the boys bathroom one day. He was in the sixth grade, while I was in the third. I felt so sorry for him that I gave him my lunch money (not to mention the fact that I didn't want to get beat up).

Have you ever gone to lunch with some coworkers or friends, and have one of them demand your wallet? 

The Great Orator: Everyone loved this fellow. He knew words that nobody else did. He expanded all our vocabularies. He used words that nobody else even knew. Because of him, I discovered the taste of soap, as administered by my mother.

The Show off: Without a large audience, and a class to disrupt, this fellow would never have anyone to entertain. 

The list goes on and on and on. The girls all felt that they were in a fashion show, wearing revealing attire, and attracting attention in any way that they could. Children who thought out of the box were forced into silence by the group, and their creativity went untapped. We all learned what was acceptable and unacceptable to the group, and behaved accordingly. Discussing God was against the unwritten laws, and so God was rarely discussed. Actually studying was also taboo. The teachers all graded on the curve, and excellence on the part of one meant lower grades for the rest.

When was the last time you heard of a child picking up a good habit from the public schools? Where do kids learn about sex, drugs, and so many other things. This is where one of my children learned that men used to have tails, and lived in trees.

I have never met a home schooled child that was not polite and respectful. They relate well with adults. They are more caring, less self centered, and better balanced than other children that I have known. There are exceptions, however, just as many children come out of the public schools unscathed.

The socialization problem with home schooled children is a myth. Those who have a conflict of interest usually point to this issue. Why not? They cannot point to academic performance, home schooled children systematically outperform the public schools year in and year out.

The word "school" has many meanings. Fish travel in schools. They see themselves as a part of a group. Schooled children develop "group think" and learn to conform to the demands of the group. There are also "Schools of Thought", where people learn specific ways to think, not how to think. 

Home schooling parents have many different reasons for doing what they do. Isolating their children from the world is not one of them. Most home schooling families are involved with a church. They usually participate in activities with other home schooling families. A friend of mine mentioned that her children had more friends after they started home schooling their children than they had while they were in the public schools.

As one man said "Take a walk down the hall ways of a local public school, and then decide, what behaviors you want your children to emulate?"

Dr. Shyers recently completed a doctoral dissertation in which he challenged the myth that youngsters schooled at home "lag" in social development. In his study, eight to ten-year-old children were videotaped at play. Their behavior was observed by trained counselors who did not know which children went to regular schools and which were home schooling.

Their conclusion: "The study found no big difference between the two groups of children in self-concept or assertiveness, which was measured by their social development tests. But the videotapes showed that youngsters who were taught at home by their parents had consistently fewer behavioral problems."

Home School and Socialization Benefits

Home schooling critics often worry about the social issue that home school children will not be properly socialized - a legitimate concern, since home schooling could be used to isolate and propagandize young people. But many home schooling families are confident that teaching children at home has social benefits. "I don't worry about the socialization question," says Julie Riely-Gibbons, whose three young sons are home schooling. "First, I don't consider school a place where normal socialization occurs, because school is so cliquish and competitive. Second, as homeschoolers my kids get to socialize with kids of all ages and with far more adults than they can meet at school. Being out in the world instead of behind walls all day just seems more natural to me."

Public Schools Demoralize

The socialization provided by the public schools has nothing to do with learning how to function as an adult in a civil society. Indeed, it is designed to do exactly the opposite by hurling the child into a savage environment where they are literally demoralized in every sense of the word.

"...Social Development... Is The Primary Reason For Home Schooling"

Greg Harris of Christian Life Workshops says, "The social development of my children is the primary reason for home schooling as far as I am concerned, because your social skill and attitudes have a direct bearing on your success in the academic dimension of your school work. The Bible says in Proverbs 13:20 that those who walk with the wise become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm. The wisdom that develops in the life of the person who walks with the wise is that he develops a taste and an appetite for the things that the wise enjoy. The harm that comes to the foolish, those who walk with fools, is that they develop the tastes and appetites and values and attitudes of the fools.

"Pool Of Ignorance"

"So when we are looking at social training and social skills, if we allow children to spend too much time with their own mates, in an age-segregated setting, they become the companions of fools, they "pool their ignorance," and then they come out with a youth culture... So we end up with a repetitive pattern of children telling other children what they think which is dangerous."

Academically homeschoolers have generally excelled, but some critics have continued to challenge them on an apparent "lack of socialization" or "isolation from the world." Often there is a charge that homeschoolers are not learning how to live in the "real world." However, a closer look at public school training shows that it is actually public school children who are not living in the real world.

For instance, public school children are confined to a classroom for at least 180 days each year with little opportunity to be exposed to the workplace or to go on field trips. The children are trapped with a group of children their own age with little chance to relate to children of other ages or adults. They learn in a vacuum where there are no absolute standards. They are given little to no responsibility, and everything is provided for them. The opportunity to pursue their interests and to apply their unique talents is stifled. Actions by public students rarely have consequences, as discipline is lax and passing from grade to grade is automatic. The students are not really prepared to operate in the home (family) or the workplace, which comprise a major part of the "real world" after graduation.

Homeschoolers, on the other hand, do not have the above problems. They are completely prepared for the "real world" of the workplace and the home. They relate regularly with adults and follow their examples rather than the examples of foolish peers. They learn based on "hands on" experiences and early apprenticeship training. In fact, the only "socialization" or aspect of the "real world" which they miss out on by not attending the public school is unhealthy peer pressure, crime, and immorality. Of course, the average homeschooler wisely learns about these things from afar instead of being personally involved in crime or immorality or perhaps from being a victim.

Practically, homeschoolers generally overcome the potential for "isolation" through heavy involvement in church youth groups, 4H clubs, music and art lessons, Little League sports participation, YMCA, Scouts, singing groups, activities with neighborhood children, academic contests (spelling bees, orations, creative and research papers), and regular involvement in field trips. In fact, one researcher stated, "The investigator was not prepared for the level of commitment exhibited by the parents in getting the child to various activities…It appeared that these students are involved in more social activities, whether by design or being with the parent in various situations, than the average middle school-aged child."

In nearly every community throughout the country, local homeschool support groups have formed in addition to the state-wide homeschool associations. In many areas these local support groups sponsor weekly and monthly activities for the homeschool students, including physical education classes, special speakers, sports, camping, trips to museums, industries, farms, parks, historic sites, and hundreds of other activities. Regular contests are also held including spelling bees, science fairs, wood working contests, and geography contests. Homeschoolers in many localities have formed homeschool choirs, bands, sports teams, bowling leagues, educational and activity clubs of every kind, and many types of resource libraries. The state homeschool associations generally sponsor a major conference where homeschool children can attend and the older children perform plays, assemble yearbooks, and participate in graduation ceremonies for eighth and twelfth grades. A review of the state homeschool association and local support group newsletters testify of the great many social activities available. Homeschool families, as a whole, do not raise their children in social isolation.

In addition, several studies have been done to measure homeschoolers' "self-concept," which is the key objective indicator for establishing a child's self-esteem. A child's degree of self-esteem is one of the best measurements of his ability to successfully interact on a social level. One such study was conducted by John Wesley Taylor, using the Piers-Harris Children's Self-Concept Scale to evaluate 224 home-schooled children. They study found that 50 percent of the children scored above the 90th percentile, and only 10.3 percent scored below the national average.

Another researcher compared private school nine-year-olds with homeschool nine-year-olds and found no significant differences in the groups in virtually all psycho-social areas. However, in the area of social adjustment, a significant difference was discovered: "private-school subjects appeared to be more concerned with peers than the home-educated group." This is certainly an advantage for home-schooled children who can avoid negative peer influence.

Dr. Linda Montgomery studied homeschool students between the ages of ten and twenty-one and concluded that home-schooled children are not isolated from social activities with other youth. She also concluded that homeschooling may nurture leadership at least as well as the conventional schools do.

Thomas Smedley prepared a master's thesis for Radford University of Virginia on "The Socialization of Homeschool Children." Smedley used the Vineland Adaptive Behavior Scales to evaluate the social maturity of twenty home-schooled children and thirteen demographically matched public school children. The communication skills, socialization, and daily living skills were evaluated. These scores were combined into the "Adoptive Behavior Composite" which reflects the general maturity of each subject.

Smedley had this information processed using the statistical program for the social sciences and the results demonstrated that the home-schooled children were better socialized and more mature than the children in the public school. The home-schooled children scored in the 84th percentile while the matched sample of public school children only scored in the 27th percentile.

Smedley further found that:

In the public school system, children are socialized horizontally, and temporarily, into conformity with their immediate peers. Home educators seek to socialize their children vertically, toward responsibility, service, and adulthood, with an eye on eternity.

In another 1992 study, Dr. Larry Shyers compared behaviors and social development test scores of two groups of seventy children ages eight to ten. One group was being educated at home while the other group attended public and private schools. He found that the home-schooled children did not lag behind children attending public or private schools in social development.

Dr. Shyers further discovered that the home-schooled children had consistently fewer behavioral problems. The study indicated that home-schooled children behave better because they tend to imitate their parents while conventionally-schooled children model themselves after their peers. Shyers states, "The results seem to show that a child's social development depends more on adult contact and less on contact with other children as previously thought."

Dr. Brian Ray reviewed the results of four other studies on the socialization of homeschoolers and found:

Rakestraw, Reynolds, Schemmer, and Wartes have each studied aspects of the social activities and emotional characteristics of home-schooled children. They found that these children are actively involved in many activities outside the home with peers, different-aged children, and adults. The data from their research suggests that homeschoolers are not being socially isolated, nor are they emotionally maladjusted.

J. Gary Knowles, University of Michigan Assistant Professor of Education, released a study done at the University of Michigan which found that teaching children at home will not make them social misfits. Knowles surveyed 53 adults who were taught at home because of ideology or geographical isolation. He found that two thirds were married, which is the norm for adults their age. None were unemployed or on welfare. He found more than three fourths felt that being taught at home had helped them to interact with people from different levels of society. He found more than 40% attended college and 15% of those had completed a graduate degree. Nearly two thirds were self-employed. He stated, "That so many of those surveyed were self-employed supports the contention that homeschooling tends to enhance a person's self-reliance and independence." Ninety-six percent of them said that they would want to be taught at home again. He stated, "Many mentioned a strong relationship engendered with their parents while others talked about self-directed curriculum and individualized pace that a flexible program of homeschooling permitted."

As mentioned earlier, the greatest benefit from homeschool socialization is that the child can be protected from the negative socialization of the public schools associated with peer pressure, such as rebellious attitudes, immaturity, immorality, drugs, and violent behavior.

Adapted from The Right Choice: Home Schooling by Christopher J. Klicka.

If only homeschoolers had a nickel for every time they heard the question, "... but what about socialization?"  That infamous socialization question, for any seasoned homeschooler, is quite a humorous one!

"Socialization is actually meant to prepare children for the real world, which means learning to interact and deal with people of all ages, races, and backgrounds," says Diane Flynn Keith. "In this case, homeschooling actually does a better job of this because homeschoolers spend more actual time out in society."

Research supports this.  According to Home Schooling and the Question of Socialization by Richard G. Medlin, "Home-schooled children are taking part in the daily routines of their communities. They are certainly not isolated; in fact, they associate with--and feel close to--all sorts of people."

He continues, "Home schooling parents can take much of the credit for this. For, with their children's long-term social development in mind, they actively encourage their children to take advantage of social opportunities outside the family. Home-schooled children are acquiring the rules of behavior and systems of beliefs and attitudes they need. They have good self-esteem and are likely to display fewer behavior problems than do other children. They may be more socially mature and have better leadership skills than other children as well. And they appear to be functioning effectively as members of adult society."

This and other studies support the irony of the socialization issue in homeschooling that we have known for years, which is that traditional schools are actually more on a path of de-socialization.  In traditional schools students learn to stay in a class to which they've been assigned and are grouped according to age and academic level, and generally with students from the same geographic area and socio-economic background.

So in a sense, as I like to say, many people are homeschooling because of socialization reasons.

During our discussion, Diane Flynn Keith agreed that traditional schools are not conducive to socialization and in fact, that students are actually punished if they try to socialize in the classroom.

She shared this ironic story, "I recall distinctly that my son spent a great deal of time in the classroom in the first grade, with his head down on his desk because he wanted to talk all the time to all his little friends around him and the teacher kept saying ‘We're not here to socialize, young man.'"

The structure and reality of traditional schools are teaching students to be passive and compliant, which can follow the children throughout life.  Children can learn to take abuse, to ignore miserable bosses or abusive spouses later on.  In a traditional school someone else usurps authority.

This is where homeschooling comes in.  Kids in homeschooling develop self-confidence and self-esteem; they learn to deal with difficult people when they are developmentally ready.  When they are ready to go out into the world they know they have choices, a foundation developed in homeschooling.

Research conducted by Michael Brady entitled Social Development in Traditionally Schooled and Homseschooled Children, a Case for Increased Parental Monitoring and Decreased Peer Interaction endorses this idea. Brady states, "There seems to be an overwhelming amount of evidence that children socialized in a peer-dominant environment are at higher risk for developing social maladjustment issues than those that are socialized in a parent monitored environment."

In other words, socialization in homeschooling works better because children have more opportunities to be socialized through the modeling of good social behavior by caring adults rather than through peers, who do not know much more than they do.   Parents give their kids the skills they need to interact with other people and also have the chance to protect their children.

So, the big question in homeschooling socialization is "Who do we want them learning life skills from?  Caring adults, or peers who don't know any more than they do?"

"No," Flynn Keith jokes, "the REALLY big question is ‘What about the prom?!'"

Prom and graduation are viewed as rites of passage, which are important parts of children's lives; however, they do not need to be activities organized by the state or a school.  Many states and homeschool organizations have established proms and graduations for homeschoolers and a homeschooling family can create their own private way to celebrate rites of passage.  Also, many homeschoolers get invited to public school proms at local public schools through friends.

Homeschoolers can participate in these activities because learning is faster in a homeschool setting, which means that students have more time to socialize.  Contrary to popular belief, students are not at home chained to the kitchen table and crying over their worksheets every day,  or peering out their work room windows with fear and disdain!

Quite the opposite! Homeschooling gives children more time to be out in the world, with people of different ages so they can figure out where their place in the world is, what they like/dislike, etc.  With the extra time, homeschoolers also make an effort to create socialization opportunities for themselves, and to take advantage of those offered in their communities.

Organized spelling and geography bees, math leagues, and science clubs give homeschoolers a chance to compete academically; and swimming, soccer, baseball and other sports also allow them to interact with their peers in athletic competition.

Scouting, 4-H, and other activities are community-based and open to anyone and so provide homeschoolers with a variety of choices for socialization.  Below are some other useful ideas for finding chances to socialize.

Opportunities to Socialize

• Get connected with homeschooling support groups, both state and local organizations.
   

• Find pen pals or e-pals (email).
   

• Participate in homeschool family get-togethers, where you can often find out about non-publicized cooperative classes and field trips.
   

• Get involved in community resources and opportunities - sports, scouting, dance/theater, etc. Contact your local parks and recreation departments.
   

• Check out your community college, which is a good source for older students and allows them to interact with a lot of different people of different ages.
   

• Volunteering. Volunteering is a great way to socialize but be aware there may be age restrictions, but some organizations will allow a child to accompany a parent volunteer.
   

• Look into Camps.  Camp is a wonderful chance for socialization and most camps have multi-age groups and counselors who act as role models.
   

• Think about summer school, which is an opportunity to experience a school setting.

The homeschool support groups mentioned above work as support for the entire homeschooling family, which is important because homeschooling parents also need socialization; they need to have support, advice, and a sounding board from time-to-time and it is especially helpful if it is another homeschooling parent. Homeschooling organizations make it a priority to provide support for the homeschooling family and to allow them to feel connected.

So, as we've always known, there is no "socialization issue" in homeschooling.  If anything, homeschoolers make a concerted effort to seek out and engage in many social activities and in many ways have more opportunities for doing so than traditionally schooled children do.